bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
