grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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