Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
