there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Randomize
