me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
