maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
