you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
