im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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