Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
