I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
As shirtless as possible
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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