you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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