I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
