they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
