What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
