Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
