Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
