1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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