the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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