i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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