So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
