I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
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