In the future we'll all be gay
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Randomize
