you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
