The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
