Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
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