I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
