you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
