There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
