Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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