you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
