I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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