My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize