You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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