Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Randomize
