got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
