i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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