Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
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