Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
