glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
