my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
