All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
