Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
