SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Randomize
