I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Randomize
