My balls are so social today.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
