girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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