Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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