I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
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