Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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