Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
