Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
