You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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