Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
