I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
