I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
