The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
