hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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