And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
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