Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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