we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
