I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
