Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
