So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
