What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
