Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize