apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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