So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
