Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Randomize
