You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
