I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Randomize
