I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
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