every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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