and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
