its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
false alarm. still invincible.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Randomize
