You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
