Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
COCAINE IS GR8
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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