i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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