oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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