I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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