even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
